time….

Time seems to past by so quickly… each day blending into each other like paint on a canvas. My heart is full this morning. Thoughts going all over the place.

Little babe is growing she is now 13 weeks- she is trying to sit up

she rolls now half way, and boy does she like to babble. Her sweet face melts the hearts of everyone around her.

Noah has adjusted well to the sweet new addition. Every morning he pads into my room to wish her good morning. She looks at him very endearing and smiles so sweetly at him. It is so very sweet to see how much they love each other. I pray as she grows she will see and know how very special she is to all of us.

I read a post over at mandymom.com , she was discussing parenting. She has very young ones and I remember thinking when mine were young how difficult that season was. Now that mine are grown( 21,20,18,16,15) I have come realize that season was the easy part. Yes that season of their lives I was saying NO, all day, and disciplining alot more but that was such an easy result compared to now. The situations with these grown ups are different and disciplining as I did in the past is not an option… sometimes I wish it was

(just a note:I have great children.They love the Lord, and honor me and their father just as scriptures says. For young people they do not go out there and do what others do, they do not date, they are in church every opportunity they can)

I have come to realize two things stay the same in parenting… consistency and steadfastness… you must stay consistent in your home… even at this age they challenge all the things you have taught them, and you must stay steadfast! I grow so weary,and in my most weary time, the Lord gives me a glimpse of hope and shows me that through Him all things are possible. In the meantime- I must remain strong. I must not waver and know that He who began a good work….

Stay diligent and know that the Lord is able,through it all to give me strength to guide them to Him and His righteous. The final desired result is to see them Live for Christ… right?

Thanks for allowing me to share
Angie

10 weeks and my Christmas blessing

She is now 10 weeks, smiling, cooing and just being aware of her surroundings and all of the people she deems important. Daddy has to work hard to get this little one to smile at him. It is a change for this house. Most of the time Daddy is the man… he steals their hearts before I even have an opportunity to win their hearts. This time this little one loves mama… makes me feel important and special.Special because she preferrs me, smiles at me, and calms down when mama picks her up. My heart just burst over this little one. What a joy she is.

Her big brother duck-

Has adjusted to our new miracle wonderfully. He loves her to pieces. Tells me, mama you hold her and I will hold the bottle so I can feed her. Makes my heart burst with joy knowing he loves her so. He is such a special blessing to me.

I am so humbled that our Lord Jesus saw me worthy to have not just one reversal miracle but two reversal miracles.

My Christmas blessings…
Angie

7 weeks and just so precious

It’s amazing how time flies. At 7 weeks she is cooing,and her personality is starting to show. She is trying to smile, you can see her joy in her eyes. Also her temperament shows as well. Patience is definitely a learned trait. Patience she does not have.

You can see she’s recognizing faces, and that she has preferences. One of her preferences is me. She barely goes to anyone else without putting up a fuss. I kind of enjoy it but at the same time can be really exhausting.

I know that this time will go fast… We are at 7 weeks now, so I cherish each second with joy and praise to our King Jesus for the gift she is.

Happy Thanksgiving
Angie

5 years old.. unbelievable

On Nov 13– my boy

turned 5 years old. Though in his mind he thinks he is equivalent to my 21 year old. In alot of ways he and can keep up with him conversationally, especially if you are talking about the latest video game. He is a bit obsessed with video games, he loves spiderman, we watch the movie at least 20 times a week. He is a carbs junkie, French fries is his choice food. He thinks he knows everything because you say something and he says “I know”. His favorite football team is the Jets, funny thing is, he doesn’t watch football.( happens to be his grandfathers favorite team)

This year we had a spiderman themed party that was suppose to have a few kids but it ended up being a young adult party with just two little kids, him and his friend Xavier.

His guests….

To my first miracle- I love you– Happy Birthday.

Angie/Mom

3 weeks and 4 days– wow!

As I sit here and look into this sweet little face–

I am amazed how quickly time is going. In a way it makes my heart very sad because I know there is no way to stop the clock and make time go slower. I know there is no way to prolong this time. In a blink she is now 3 weeks and 4 days…she will be a month this next Sunday– a month Wow…

These past few weeks have not been the easiest. Having her at home was amazing- the most peaceful, non evasive delivery I have ever had. The presence of the Lord was evident. There were no loud machines, no cold instruments, no icy rooms, just soft worship music in the background, warm water and soft voices.

Then reality hit.. My beloved stayed home the night she was born to help take care of me and the baby and the house, but the very next day less than 24 hours later he went to work leaving me with a puking 4 year old, and 5 young adults. I felt bad for Noah and for my daughter because Noah wanted a parent and Maria was in over her head dealing with me, him and everything else, though she handled it with LOTS of grace.That was just the beginning of the next few weeks.

Having a baby at home brings another side to home birthing that NO ONE ever talks about. See when you have a baby in the hospital you are away from home, so then you are not expected to make decisions, clean, or deal with household situations. ( you are in the hospital “resting”)
When you have the baby at home you do not get away from home, you are then expected to get up the very next day and act like nothing major happened to you, and you are to run the household like business as usual. Well needless to say my body, mind, and emotions could not do it. After just a few days of it, I was having an emotional breakdown. Basic decisions would make me want to cry and every fiber in side of me was screaming for sleep. At night I was feeding and caring for baby girl and during the day if I attempted to rest Noah would wake me so rest was out of my grasp. My mind just wanted to shut down and focus on what I had to, me and baby. ( needles to say– lesson learned)

Things have balanced inside me, though the household, still needs to be taken care I feel my strength and emotional state strengthening and restoring.Noah is in desperate need of my attention for schooling.

He adores his little sister and adjusting wonderfully to the new addition, but feedings and changing are so consuming right now, he is bored. All he wants to do is watch movies or play video games.
Which drives me crazy because he asks every 5 minutes for the video games.

We are slowly gaining a routine, though at times I wish I could stop time or slow it down.

Praying you all are well!
Angie

Birthing story from my own perspective…..

Sunday-October 2nd, 2011– started normal. I got up and started preparing for church, waking everyone up so we could make it to our church 10th Anniversary service on time. It was cool, and cloudy out so instead of the “celebration” happening outside in park like it was suppose to, we had it inside at the church. I had to hurry to make sure our dish for the celebration was ready, so I ran downstairs and started cooking. Of course we were not on time for church but because of the celebration it wasn’t starting on time. When we arrived everyone was wondering if I wasnt there because I was in “labor”. But I waddled in and everyone greeted me with ” oh, you are here… how are you feeling?” Seemed to be the question of the hour because it was getting so close to the due date. (Oct 3rd)

Church started about 11:00 and so did my contractions.. I sat down and had my first strong contraction. I thought it was the normal contractions that I had been having for the last two weeks. After having a few of them I looked at Maria and asked her to start timing them. By 12:00 the contractions were consistent and 7.5 minutes apart. I knew it was time, so when church ended, i looked at my friend and said I needed to go home because I was in labor. she said ok- she would walk me home. As I waited for her one of the members of the church came up and was talking to me and I was trying hard to disguise I was in pain and having contractions while we talked, till finally I couldnt anymore and said I am sorry but I need to go because I am in labor. By this point it is 12:30pm

I started the short journey home, that seemed longer because by this point my contractions were coming very quickly. We finally made it home, and I walk upstairs to wake my beloved who was sleeping because he was currently on a night shift at work. In the meantime, we called the midwife (at 12:40) she said ok, she would call back with an arrival time. She calls back and states she would not arrive till 2:30. At 1:15 I look at my friend Kim and tell her to call her back, because I was not going to make it to 2:30 that I had the urge to push now. So the midwife made changes to her plans and stated she would be there by 1:50. At this point for me I was in and out of awareness of what was happening around me. My mind was totally focus on pain management and holding her in while we waited for Sam to get ready and the midwife to arrive.

At some point my beloved came down, and helped me change out of the church clothes I was still in and i put on a nightgown. At the same time he started filling the doula tub or also known as the birthing tub with hot water. Maria asked me at some point if she should turn on some music, I said yes softly. So she turned on some praise and worship music very softly in the background. I remember through some of my contractions singing some of the songs. I cant remember what songs they were but I remember singing and saying Lord, and Jesus.

At one point my midwife arrived. By this point the tub was filled and I was fully ready to go, but i was also in and out of awareness of what was happening around me. I remember my midwife saying ok I am ready you can push whenever you want and me responding that I was scared. She then asked me if I wanted to get in the tub( all this time I was sitting on the edge of the couch) I said, yes, so they helped me stand and I felt like the bottom dropped out of me. I bet if I felt I would have felt her head.

When I sat in the hot water- it was like my whole body went.. oh my thank you.. I could feel my muscles relax even if it was temporary till the next contraction. Once in the water- I remember my midwife saying, try giving a test push and see what happens.
I believe I had maybe three contractions, on the third contraction, I started to push, and in one push with barely any force,I remember attempting to stop the push but as this point my body took over, and in one solid push Eliana was out. At the same time- my husband realized I was pushing and saw her head in the water, and reached down and brought Eliana out of the water. Her cord was wrapped around her neck and shoulder and she was little blue, but she cried a soft cry when she came out of the water, letting us all know she was fine and was breathing. She came out with her eyes wide open. They placed her in my arms and I sat there completely in shock how quickly it all went and the worry I had for the last 6 months left me as I looked down at this perfect angel. I remember praising Jesus and thanking Him for her health, and my “easy and fast” labor, and for allowing Sam to be there and the midwife to make it. Yet- I was still silent, because Sam asked me if I was ok. I remember saying yes and just staring at this wide eyed angel looking back at me. As long as she was against me in that warm water, she did not make a sound. She just looked around.

Once the umbilical cord stopped throbbing Maria was the one who cut the cord. She also was the first to hold the baby in her arms. She was beside herself with joy to hold, and see her little baby sister.

I am not sure how much time passed before we pushed for the placenta, but that was not difficult either. Once the placenta was out, my beloved and midwife helped me change my wet clothes, and get out of the tub which seemed very cold at this point.

I wasn’t sitting and covered up for long before a knock came at the door and it was our Pastor David, Elder Jonathan, Elder Jayon, Bev, Vivian, and Ms. Trish. If there was anyone else I dont remember. They came in to take a peek at the baby( not sure if I mentioned this, we live a block away from our church) They did not stay long, before they left they prayed over our new arrival.

By 4pm I was cleaned up and showered, babe was clothed and asleep, and the midwives had everything cleaned up, and were ready to go.

My parents arrived around 5pm to see their new grandbaby for the first time. My dad was so excited. He had been waiting for the last few weeks for her arrival. He held her, and could not believe how small she was. After they left exhaustion set in along with hunger.

The first night was peaceful though I kept waking to check on her. She slept solid, the delivery was alot on her too.

We praise the Lord Jesus for this new life!

Photos of Eliana

being checked out by midwife

Being weighed

First born

Eliana’s birthing thru the eyes of my unofficial doula/ and very special friend

Here is the story of Eliana’s birth- written by a very special friend who stayed with me till my midwife arrived , while my beloved was busy getting things ready and through the birth….

Eliana’s Birthing story
By Kim Folks

When I was training to be a Doula one of the things we were encouraged to do was to write a birth story for the families we worked with and for ourselves but especially for the babies How awesome would it be to be able to read our own birth stories. We try but often forget details and don’t take time to record the memory. So I hope this can be something you can share with Eliana one day and enjoy
Well when I woke this morning I was excited for our church’s 10th Anniversary/ picnic. The weather was unusually cold, 43 degrees, so the picnic was moved indoors which turned out to be very convienient since the Sellars live 1 block from church.
At 1030am the Sellars weren’t there yet so I called thinking maybe they weren’t there because Eliana was being born But after speaking to Paul and Maria I found out they were just late.
During service Angie’s contractions were coming frequently and by the end of service it looked like ‘Game Time’. So I encouraged her to head home and call the Midwife. I was very excited for the events soon to come. Little did I know how soon
We left the church a little after 12pm and contractions were coming every few steps seemingly. Sam was asleep at home since he’s been working night shift but quickly prepared for Eliana’s pending birth. Beulla was also very concerned getting by Angie’s side at every possible moment.
After getting more comfortable and setting final preperations in motion Angie was getting very quiet and focused. She commented that the Midwife may not make it in time. We called her at 1:15pm and she expected to arrive at 1:50pm but said she could talk us through it on the phone if need be. There were moments it seemed that might be very possible.
In the mean time all the other kids were at the church picnic and had been back and forth to the house checking in and getting updates. Maria hooked up some music for us that was such a blessing. The praise and worship music was very soothing for us all and acted as nice distraction. Papa Sellars was busily preparing the tub, filling it with water for Eliana and caring for all Angie’s needs as always.
The Midwife arrived at the expected time and Angie was totally in the zone. As Angie got into the tub as an onlooker I couldn’t tell what would happen next. My friend who was normally never short of words was practically silent and totally focused. Obviously in active labor but so calm it was a little confusing.
The Midwife being very careful to give Angie her space spoke to Angie quietly at brief interludes between contractions. As Sam was busily doing anything he could to add comfort to the environment by filling the tub with warm water and heating the room, not knowing what I could do or how to help I approached Angie’s side and just was there to be a presence.
Then it happened. The midwife said ‘Sam put your hand here.’ And as he reached into the bottom of the tub suddenly there she was in her Fathers hand making the most magnificent entrance in the calmest setting. Snug in Mamas arms it was incredible. Eliana was born
It didn’t take long for siblings who were only a block away to come to see the wonderful blessing. Awe struck and excited everyone was surprised and happy. Sister Maria got the honor of cutting the cord. Noah didn’t enjoy that part And the Sellars family grew by one at 2:28pm. Happy Birthday Eliana!

” Geez- You are big”

These are words that have been expressed to me in the past week. I often wonder, do people not think about what they say or how they say it? Do they not stop to think that this could hurt someone’s feelings or their self-esteem?

As baby grows, I grow.. nothing I can do about that. She is getting big, so in turn I am getting big. Trust me I look in the mirror- I see how big I am. I also get on the scale, I know how big I am. But it is not a big because I am fat, eating too much and gaining weight for no reason.

I have a life in me, growing, preparing herself to come into this world. I pray a healthy babe as well!

I could not imagine coming up to a pregnant woman and looking at her and saying “Geez- you are big”

I had one person come up to me who had not seen me since January or February– she looks at me and says ” Are you having twins?” I say “No” She continues on by saying ” Wow- you are huge!” I walked away thinking how rude!

Really– am I just being sensitive??

I am 34 weeks.. .

nearing the end of this pregnancy. Feeling great– no pain, still sleeping, very minimal heartburn. I am blessed I know. Still lots to do to prepare for this gift. Still needing some things, but God has been good. I feel so very blessed to know that there are some who are very excited about this Gift from Heaven!

I have been working on a few projects for her.. making some crocheted beanie hats, I made one with a ribbon on the side(my first attempt at this)

I think it turned out cute. I have another one I am working on that I am crocheting a flower for the side of it. I will post a photo when i get that one done.

Well- I am done venting… guess I will go work on that project.

Angie

Fear

As time gets closer for this little one to arrive in this world, all these fears keep trying to creep up. The main one is she going to be healthy? Will she have any problems? Will she have down syndrome?( because as you know I am so OLD and I am having a baby– sorry for the sarcasm) And how will I handle that? Am I making a mistake having her at home? Will the midwives be able to handle anything?

I keep trying to tell myself that these fears are normal. That no matter what everything will be ok. But have you ever tried to talk yourself out of being afraid… it does not work very well.

I know all things are in the hands of the One who created the universe, the one who stops the ocean in the right spot, and the one who places the moon where it is. I know He is my strength when I am weak. He is my comforter, and my strong tower. And honestly He knows my strengths, weaknesses and knows just what He is doing… so tell me why do I not feel it?

Why do I still allow these fears to capture my heart and almost paralyze me at times? To distract me from what is really important… and that is life! This wonderful perfect little life that continues to grow inside of me. Just her existence is a blessing that Only Christ could give. Why do I do that?? This fear steals my joy, makes me preoccupied with things that out of my control… so why bother?

So dear saints as I come to terms with this fear… will you pray for me? I need your covering!

Angie